The Me You May Not See, The Me I May Not See
My friends see me.
My family sees me.
In fact, if you are reading this, you probably see me on a regular basis,
but the question is,
which me do you see?
The intelligent, congenial me
who enjoys wearing high-top sneakers
and v-neck t-shirts?
The me who laughs
as he scrubs Ivory dish soap into the hair of a 1,500 pound 4-H steer?
The me who refuses to order anything at Starbucks
because he does not know what most of the menu items are?
Sometimes even I get confused as to which me I actually am.
Everyone else can see me, except for me.
The me I see is the me reflected in the people I hold dear.
The me I see is the me reflected in the mirror.
The me I see is only a reflection.
A counterfeit.
A representation of what is me.
But it is not the original.
When the city lights shine in my eyes, I am absorbed.
I embrace the hustle and bustle of crowds and traffic.
When the full moon shines down on my car
as I take the dusty gravel road home
I merge with the hills.
I am my environment.
In band, I am a band geek.
In mock trial, I am an attorney.
In choir, I am a bass.
But are any of these me?
Are they me, or am I them?
I know I am me.
I know what is not me.
I just don't know why or how I am me.
Is it because of my family?
Or my friends?
A combination of both?
They say,"You are what you are told you are."
I usually believe that,
But sometimes I wonder.
Why do we let others have so much influence on who we are?
Shouldn't they be more concerned with who they are?
Or do they tell you who you are
based off of who others tell them they are?
Is them telling you who you are
Really just them comparing themselves to you?
The me I see is not perfect
By any means.
I see in my reflection
Amazing people
Who have told me who I am.
Pieces of them are me.
Pieces of me are probably them.
And, I guess, that's probably how you became you,
And that's probably how I became me.
Micah-
ReplyDeleteYou're right. This is very reflective, and deep. But I often think the most messy parts of life are the most beautiful. That constant searching for who you are is how people grow. I don't have myself figured out... I'm not sure anyone does. Maybe your soul just adapts to the situation you are in... All those sides of you, are a part of you. All of the people around you shape you. The soul is such a malleable thing, which is both dangerous and exhilarating. I don't know if there is an answer to the question in your poem. If there is, I don't have it. But always remember no matter how confused you are with yourself, you have people to fall back on who love you and support you in all your forms. There are so many things that pull on you in this life, it often feels as if you are drowning in what people tell you you are. But I truly believe that rare moment of clarity, the moment when you realize everything that you are and aren't is ok, is worth wading through the messy parts. My dad and I talked about this. He said, often your own mind is your biggest enemy as to figuring out who you are. Intelligence requires us to have everything in order. Maybe our souls are too wild and beautiful to contained in human labels... The mark of an open mind often calls for confusion because we can see beyond one side of ourselves. Some people are just so bright they transcend boundaries. It is a blessing and a curse. Inside it all, there is a spark that stays the same... And it shines out through all of the forms people take, albeit through different shapes and disguises. Keep on keeping on. I'm confident you'll be you, no matter where that takes you, or who you'll become. That true essence can't help but leaking out, no matter how confused or over thought your mind is about it.
P.S. People often incorporate parts of the people around them so thoroughly into themselves it becomes an ingrained part of them. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Often this provides room for phenomenal growth.
Maybe I should revise searching for who you are into searching for WHY you are who you are. The influences surrounding you often create confusion. There's a quote I love by F. Scott Fitzgerald. "Writers aren't exactly people... They're a whole bunch of people trying to be one person."
ReplyDeleteSo now that I've left a ridiculously long comment on your poem that may or may not have addressed what you were talking about, let me finish by saying I love your poem. It's a great representation of your voice as a writer.
This is an important musing to have, Micah. Thanks for sharing it with us and giving us a glimpse of who you are :)
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